


guilty

by asmaanixx



Category: Ishq Mein Marjawan 2
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Internal Conflict, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmaanixx/pseuds/asmaanixx
Summary: Riddhima reflects on her relationship with Vansh.
Relationships: Riddhima/Vansh Raisinghania
Kudos: 2





	guilty

Riddhima ran her fingers over the twin diamond bracelets adorning her wrist. They were nice, light and delicate. They also felt horribly wrong on her person.

It was a nice gesture on Vansh’s behalf, but it was also very misguided. She felt no comfort in the hard, cold and blinking stones. She would have much rather preferred the red glass bangles Aangre had gifted Ishani. They’re the kind she had bought for herself so many times before. She was familiar with the sound from when they clinked against each other. She knew exactly how much pressure she should apply on them so that they didn’t break her skin. She was even in touch with the bangle seller so that she could get the best price for them.

Riddhima stared at the bracelets again. She didn’t know a single thing about them. The shine from the diamonds, who brought it out? Who cut them into such tiny rocks and then decided what their value would be? Why this design for the bracelets in particular?

Riddhima pulled the bracelets off her wrists and held them between her fingers. She didn’t feel right wearing them. Personally, she hadn’t ever heard of the choodi rasam before. It must be a tradition specific to the Raisinghania family. It somehow made Riddhima feel even more horrible. Taking part of something so personal while she had entered the home with ulterior motives - how could it possibly be right?

She put the bracelets down on the vanity desk and began removing the rest of her bangles.

Yes, she had genuinely wanted to start afresh with Vansh but there was so much between them that still needed to be resolved. She still had to come clean to him about her past and about who she really was. He still had to tell her the truth regarding Ragini. But amidst all their lies and secrets, she genuinely believed there was love between them. Or at least, there was a strong possibility of it existing.

She removed her heavy kangan and placed it with the remaining jewelry.

But what was that possibility enough for her? She was no stranger to Vansh’s anger. He has done more than enough to show her just how far he can go when his patience is tested. If she told him the truth, he would blow up on her like never before. She wouldn’t even have anything to show as proof for her love. The karwa chauth fast? He doesn’t even believe in it. Shielding him from the bullet? She already told him she would have done it for anyone. She literally had nothing.

It saddened her.

If today Vansh were to tell her anything about Ragini, she knew she would believe it. He would believe her words about being a spy too. The difference between them is that Riddhima would forgive Vansh for his secrets, but Vansh wouldn’t forgive her. Her secrets, lies and manipulation aren’t mere mistakes or an act of defense. They would be seen as acts of betrayals and she knew very well what happened to those who dared to go against him.

The ringing of her phone distracted Riddhima momentarily. It was Kabir. She immediately disconnected the call. The phone rang again. It was still Kabir. She canceled the call once more. This time Riddhima shut off her phone for an added measure.

There used to be a time when butterflies used to flutter around in her stomach from seeing his name. Now, he sent a cold chill down her spine.

In little over a week, it will be three months since her marriage with Vansh. Three months in which her bitter resentment transformed into something much more complicated. She wants to name this complication love, but was it even truly that? Since when were fear and suspicion a companion to love?

She thought back to Kabir. In all her years with him, she had never once been afraid of him hurting her. Which, given the times they were living, said a lot about him. She knew it was a low bar for men to pass, but Kabir flew over them with passing colors. He never once gave her the opportunity to suspect him of being anything than what he presented himself as. That must have come with his training at the police academy however. Still, even when his truth was revealed, he was still the same Kabir.  Her Kabir. The man who cared for her safety. The man who showered her with soft gifts just to bring a smile across her face. The man who patiently listened to every nonsensical rambling that had been weighing on her mind that day.

Vansh was nothing like him. He didn’t protect her. Heck, he was the one who inflicted pain and suffering onto her whenever his heart desired.

Riddhima gently touched the very neck he had choked multiple times before.

Trying to talk to him always ended up being a big mistake for her. No matter how hard she tried to make things casual, something or another would pop up and he would unload all his anger onto her. He would pierce her with his vicious words without a care about how badly they would hurt her. Just how many times had he rejoiced seeing her tears or burning her last mementos of love?

She brought her hand down and touched her mangalsutra.

He was a bad man. A really bad man. So then why did she still want to give him a chance? Why did her heart pound every time he smiled at her, or looked at her with hopeful eyes?

Riddhima’s lips quivered, and her eyes watered.

She wanted to love him. She really, truly did. After all, just how long could she walk around wearing one man’s name and holding another’s in her heart? She had to choose one. If it’s Kabir, then she needs to let go of Vansh for good. The mangalsutra that hung around her neck, the sindoor that laid in her parting, they had to be Kabir’s. But if she chose Vansh, then she had to let go of Kabir forever. The vows she prioritized, and would go as far as risking her life to uphold, they had to be the ones she made with Vansh.

The bathroom door slid open and she ran a shaky hand over her wet cheek. Vansh came in and slowed down his steps when he saw her.

“Kya hua? Chehra itna uthara sa kyun hai?” He asked.

Riddhima shook her head. Coming close to her, he rested the back of his hand against her forehead.

“Agar tabiat kuch zyaada kharab lag rahi hai toh phir kal ka vrat rehne do.” He spoke with immense concern in his voice.

Her overwhelmed heart sprung her to her feet, and she captured Vansh in a tight hug. She tried not to cry but she felt the hot tears as they landed on her cheeks. He enveloped his arms around her and she felt instantly warm in his embrace.

“Kya baat hai Riddhima? Is everything okay?” He gently rubbed her back.

She shook her head and hugged him tighter. “Mujhe bahut darr lag raha hai Vansh.”

“Kis baat ka?”

“Tumhe khone ka.” She closed her eyes and dug her fingers into him. “I-I don’t know what to do anymore Vansh. Mein jo bhi karun, kuch bhi kahun, sab galat hota hai. Tumhare gusse aur nafrat ke sivaye mujhe kuch nahi mil raha.”

She cried and hid her face in his chest. The fact that she was getting to do that at all was a huge miracle.

She felt his shoulders slump and a lot of tension that was built up in his body went along with it. He raised her head and wiped her tears.

“Do you really mean it?” He asked. Riddhima sniffled. “Do you really want to  _ be  _ with me?”

“I want to give us a chance. Agar work out nahi kiya toh mein-” She broke off not even wanting to entertain the thought too much.

Vansh’s fingers pressed against her head. “Humara rishta safal hoga Riddhima. Vada hai yeh mera.”

He rubbed his thumbs across her cheeks.

“Agar nahi hua?” She asked. “Tum mujhe jaane do ge?”

“Kabhi nahi.” He whispered to her. “You’re never leaving me Riddhima.”

“Agar mein tumse kahun ki mujhe jaana hai? Ki mujhe tumhara yeh gussa ab aur handle nahi hota. Ki mujhe tumse darr lagta hai ki kab tum mujhe maroge?”

More hot tears fell out of her as she realized just how abusive her relationship with him was. Why was she even wanting to give him another chance?

“Riddhima, I would never hit you.” He spoke with a shake to his head as if he was offended by her accusation. 

“Chaaku phenk na, mera gala dabana, yeh sab maar na nahi toh aur kya hai? Aisa behavior kissi ke liye normal nahi hai Vansh. Agar tumhare liye hai toh phir mujhe baksh do kyunki mein har roz aise darr ke nahi jee sakti.” She confessed.

“Riddhima mein-” He shook his head, unable to form the correct words.

“Tum apni family ke saath aisa kar sakte ho, but mere saath nahi. Woh tumhara khoon hai na. Tumhe chod kar kahan jaa sakte hai. But mein chali jaungi Vansh. Mein tumhari family thodi na hoon.” 

“Nahi Riddhima, tum kahin nahi jaogi.” He held her head tighter but she pushed him away.

“Sirf tumhari baaton se kuch nahi hoga. Tumhe apni lafzon ke saath saath apni harkaton ke saath bhi prove karna hoga.”

Still with a heavy heart, Riddhima went to the bathroom to change for the night.


End file.
